In the Beginning

Chances are good, if you are reading this, it is because you saw the title "Lost in paradise" and were curious what it means this time. well this instance of being lost in paradise has a pretty standard meaning, which refers to my state of being.
This place is bad for me.
I have been here, living in my folks house again (a place I swore to myself I would never again reside) for about three months. almost to the day, actually. tomorrow makes it exactly 3 months.
This place was never home, and now, I am faced with a fear -which I have always felt- that I will be trapped here. not physically. I could just up and leave any time, in body. life, however, is no longer that simple. One cannot live as one lived a hundred years ago, off the land as a wanderer. Today, even wanderers require money to get food.
I am digressing, though.

This place, Santa Barbara, known throughout the world as a resort town, a place of peace and happiness, has never been that for me.
There are several things I must do before I can free myself of this place. First is get a handle on my anxiety.
Second is get a job. With the money from a job, get a car. Once I have a car (paid for) Then get my own place, because living with my parents is hell. They are wonderful people to know, but they are comfortable with a level of life that I am not comfortable with. I have tasted more, and I want it back.

I need to live by myself (with a cat or two haha) any eventually I would like to share my space with somebody else.
For now, though.
Being Lost (as I am) in Paradise (which Santa Barbara can be) is where I am. SO, needlessly long story shorter than it could be: That is why it is called what it is called.
More tomorrow.

OH yeah, the intent is to use this as a journal, more or less. Hopefully it is an interesting read.
It should also be noted that any friends I list here will not be listed using their real names. Nobody aside from myself will, because honestly, I feel that as a matter of course, everyone who is not me should be left private.
Besides, I do not always have entirely complementary things to say about everyone in my life, and I wish for there to be some level of shielding, for me and for others. Cowardice? maybe. Self preservation? definitely.